"Keepers" from LSR and elsewhere. Please do not publish these
or use them for anything other than personal sobriety reinforcement and inspiration.
I'm back to my stodgy old standby -- try to do the next thing
in front of me that needs doing, think about what I can do to
help someone else if possible, toss some clutter, pull some weeds,
don't snap at man nor dawg. --Betts
I think booze and drugs con us. They use our own capacity for feeling
'good, light and carefree,' accentuate it for a little while and make us
believe these feelings come as a gift from them. And at the same time
they make it hard for us to feel anything good when we're not high and
under their control. And all the while the capacity for joy, pleasure, just
generally feeling good belongs to us and comes from us.
I also think our culture does the same thing, convincing us we have to
buy one thing or another, or have a certain kind of job or fame or a more
sexy partner (or be more sexy ourselves) so that these things can then
give us happiness. How absurd.
-- Linda
Specific techniques for getting through parties:
1. Everything you said!
- I have to remind myself: it's OK to feel awkward.
- To feel bored. To feel boring, to have nothing clever to say.
2. Don't compare your insides with other people's outsides. They are
not half as relaxed as they want you to think they are.
3. Pay attention to how stupid people get after about two hours of drinking.
4. Be a writer and observe.
5. Savor the fact that you will still get laughs and say funny, clever things,
some of the time. You may never be as supremely witty or clever as you
imagined yourself to be when you were drinking, but then again, you
probably never were.
6. Seek out other people who look uncomfortable and try to make them
feel more comfortable.
7. Remember that all those "tasty" drinks don't taste very good
coming back up.
8. Life is a party, and sober you get to be in on the whole thing,
not just the forced artificial hilarity of social gatherings.
9. Designated drivers are performing a socially beneficial function
10. I can't think of anything else, but stopping at nine seemed wrong.
Good luck tomorrow night, and thanks for a great post.--Richard
I will keep doing what I need to do to get myself stronger, healthier,
unmedicated as much as possible, organized, and doing stuff I really
want to do. --Betts
Safeguarding sobriety: Things I find I need to do in times of crises...
1. Tend to basic needs faithfully, safeguard immune system from excess
stress. Eat, drink water, get enough rest, exercise
2. Increase whatever sobriety support action that works. Even if I
don't feel like it.
3. Expect/accept strong emotion, at unexpected times. Have places/people where
I can talk it out. Use them, even if I don't feel like it. Don't swallow it down.
4. Think of anything I can do that is self-comforting: music, walks, connection
with nature, hobbies, etc, and do some of them every day, even if I don't feel like it.
5. Avoid unnecessary stressors: put off stressful stuff than can be put off or
ratchet it down. Don't underestimate effects of external crises, which may not
all be immediately obvious.
6. Ask for what I need from those around me who care: ask them what they
need; be more loving and more willing to give and receive warmth and
comfort. Reach out to others who feel as bad as I do.
7. Balance out thoughts of the bad with thoughts of what is good.
Consciously seek out anything beautiful.
8. Remember alcohol is a depressant; ask if I really need to feel worse
than I do now.
9. Stay far away from tempting places, and upsetting people.
10. Above all, don't drink no matter what. Sober, clear-headed people are
needed more now than ever and we need each other "awake" and available.
:) glo
some suggestions for attending events where drinking occurs:
--Go by yourself, or be able to leave if you need to.
--Tell someone there you aren't drinking, for whatever reason.
--Bracket the dinner with a sober contact.
--Remember you're there not to pollute yourself, but to share the
company of a well-loved friend.
-- Duck it & arrange to see your friend at a private lunch for just
the two of you. Real friends tend to understand what you do while
getting sober.
-- There's no rule that says you have to prove anything to anybody
(not even yourself). Getting sober is a brave enough act by itself,
without torturing yourself into being a tough guy. I've often found
a value in acting on the sobriety priority, no matter how difficult.
...Step out of your life for a moment, in your mind, and pretend it
belongs to a dear friend, or someone you love. I bet you'd be filled
with empathy and compassion. I bet you'd want to take that
person in your arms and just hold them awhile. I bet you'd tell them
to be gentle with themselves; to let the feelings come...without
judging them. I'd bet you'd feel really good if that person "let down"
and cried it out in your arms. I bet you'd hand them all the kleenex
they needed, make them some tea...and do all you could to show
them they are loved and valued.
There IS no "perfectly polyanna sobriety". There's just life,
WITHOUT anesthesia! Some of it is glorious, some of it is
mundane, and some of it is damned hard.
Feelings we have anesthetized, denied, repressed, or otherwise ignored
for years...wake up in sobriety, and demand voice long denied. I believe
we have to factor that in...and build a heck of a support system that
includes safe places to express them...without judging them...and with
people who let us do it without trying to "fix it" or make it go away.
EVERY relapse I ever had was preceded by periods of NOT dealing
with those emerging feelings. --Glo
I wanted to HAVE QUIT. I wanted to throw the decision switch and
be DONE with it already! In every other aspect of my life I was usually
insightful, decisive, and self-disciplined (except when the alcohol wiped
that out). ...It's taken you decades to get to the point of having a life so
enmeshed with alcohol that you need to quit drinking it completely. It's
not going to take a week or a month to work your way out of that
enmeshment.
Deciding to stay sober no matter what is the essential first move.
The second move is to look at what *no matter what* means to you, as
an individual, in your life and to learn how to work with that. What
are your personal triggers for craving? How can you structure your life
to minimize your exposure to them right now and to combat the ones
you can't avoid? What are the emotions, thoughts and events that
reinforce your sober self? What can you do to maximize those? --Diane
the obvious but simple truth that if I want all of what I am dealing
with now to stop - the chaos in my life, the demanding cravings,
the damage to my body, the groundless fears - I just need to stop
drinking. It is not easy - it takes time and courage and commitment
but fundamentally I can do this and it begins and ends with the
simple act of not drinking. -- Linda
"Addiction is a miserable, misguided quest for perpetual childhood
that always fails; but the junkie or drunk who has some straight time
and means to stay that way knows a lot about the way we really live,
think, feel, hope, and desire in this country." (anonymous - Utne.com)
The only time we took drugs was when we were without hope and the
only way we got out of it was with hope and if we can sustain the hope
then we don't need drugs, liquor or anything. -- John Lennon
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be
changed until it is faced. -- James Baldwin
On the subject of PMS... be very aware of it -- during my initial
two years of trying to get sober, I think that probably ALL of my
relapses occurred when I was pre-menstrual... it's certainly something
to think about. -- Bones
It's annoying that drinking and drugging are often a shorthand for
liberal views, irreverence and fun. There is absolutely no question
in my mind that when I drink and drug I have less fun, I get fearful,
and I lack the confidence to express my views. - Mark C.
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Back to the Nest.